Script created with Final
Draft by B.C. Software, Inc.
The Following is an excerpt from the screenplay "Pathos Bill"
by Mark W. Gray. Any unauthorized duplication or distribution
is strictly prohibited.
©1998 Mark W. Gray
WGA Registered #686823
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27 INT/EXT RURAL GAS STATION - LATE AFTERNOON 27
Bill peruses rack after rack of JERKY. As he selects an
assortment, we see Cosmo at the car parked at the pumps. He
takes something from the glove box and heads off toward and
empty field. Bill puts his purchases on the counter. The
greasy JED rings him up.
JED
That's some good local jerky, you got
there. Lessee, with the gas, that's
forty-two, fifty-one.
(off Bill's look of surprise)
That ain't no Geo out there. Them ol'
Cadillacs, they use a little bit o' gas.
Bill pays and Jed bags his jerky.
JED (cont'd)
I had me one like that I got all fixed
up. 'Cept it wasn't a '61, it was a '62.
But I got it all fixed up and was drivin'
it one time and that som'bitch -- uh,
whaddaya call that, -- Suspiciously
Combusted.
BILL
Spontaneously combusted?
JED
Yeah! Well, it caught fire, anyway. It
was a magnificent conflagration.
Somethin' like that'll put the fear o'
God in ya..
BILL
Hmm.
They stare and nod at one another for a long moment.
Suddenly a SHOT rings out. Bill, startled, looks outside in
a panic. Jed rolls his eyes as if to say "Here we go again."
28 EXT RURAL GAS STATION / FIELD - LATE AFTERNOON 28
Bill comes out from the Gas station to find Cosmo in the
adjacent field, shooting at old cans and bottles with a hand
gun. The area is littered with shot up stuff; stop signs,
TVs, etc. Bill approaches cautiously.
COSMO
Pretty loud, huh?
BILL
Where the hell did you get that?!
COSMO
I had it in the glove compartment.
Cosmo aims and shoots another can. Bill flinches and tries
to cover his ears.
BILL
Jesus, it's like a fucking cannon!
COSMO
It's a forty-five revolver which is very
rare.
My granddad brought it back from World
War II. They swapped him for a Luger he
had. They needed it for a German
defector they were planting back as a
double agent. No shit.
BILL
Isn't it illegal to carry a loaded gun in
the car?
COSMO
Probably. It depends on the state. You
want to try it?
BILL
I don't know. I believe in gun control.
COSMO
So do I.
(recounting an old argument)
Look, no one should have hand guns.
They're only good for killing people and
you shouldn't kill people; that's all
there is to it. But... they're still
pretty cool. I've wanted to shoot it
ever since I was a little kid. So, do
you want to try it or not?
BILL
Okay, what the hell.
Bill carefully takes the gun and aims at one of the bottles.
COSMO
Now use both hands, take a deep breath,
and slowly squeeze the trigger. Be ready
for a little kick.
Bill shoots, evaporating the bottle. He's knocked back
significantly.
BILL
Holy Shit!
COSMO
Forty-five, Big-ass bullet.
BILL
Indeed.
Bill levels the gun and shoots again, hitting a can. He
looks to Cosmo and smiles, getting into it.
COSMO
Nice shootin', Tex! You know, nothin
turns a woman on more than a man who can
shoot straight.
Bill grins and successfully shoots another bottle. He blows
on the gun barrel like a cowboy and turns in a mock swagger.
With a smirk, he mimes putting the gun into an imaginary
holster on his hip.
A SHOT rings out.
CUT TO:
29 INT EMERGENCY ROOM - NIGHT 29
Bill sits on a gurney with his right shoe on his lap. A
small bandage is on the pinkie toe of his outstretched foot,
and a very annoyed look is on his face. With a finger, he
holds a cotton ball on his upper arm. Cosmo sits in a nearby
chair reading GUNS & AMMO magazine.
COSMO
That tetanus shot looked really painful.
Annoyed, Bill snatches the GUNS & AMMO Magazine and tosses it
aside. He glares at Cosmo.
COSMO (cont'd)
I found it in the waiting room, I swear.
The portly SHERIFF GLEASON approaches carrying Cosmo's gun in
a ziploc bag and filling in a report on a clipboard.
SHERIFF GLEASON
Okay, who's Thelma and who's Louise?
30 EXT SONIC DRIVE-IN - NIGHT 30
Cosmo steers the great Cadillac into a parking space
alongside one of the old menu-board speakers. Various
American cars full of TEENAGERS cruise through. Cosmo turns
off the ignition and looks at Bill. He's clearly both
exhausted and irritated.
COSMO
C'mon. Wouldn't a nice Chili Dog hit the
spot? Then we'll get some beers and find
a nice crappy motel to stay in.
BILL
I was really hungry two hours ago. Now I
think I've come out the other side of it.
COSMO
Well I could eat my own head.
(to menu-board speakers)
Hello! Anybody there?
BILL
I think you have to go up to the window.
COSMO
Shit. I was really looking forward to
waitresses on roller-skates. C'mon.
Bill winces in pain as they get out of the car.
COSMO
Oh, sorry. Hey, why don't you wait in
the car; I'll get the food.
BILL
No no, I don't want to miss any of life's
rich pageantry. Besides, it doesn't hurt
that much.
He winces as he puts weight on his gun-shot foot, then winces
again as he closes his door with his Tetanus shot-sore arm.
He limps toward the window with Cosmo
BILL
Fucking Tetanus shot.
COSMO
I'm sorry, man.
BILL
Ah, it's not your fault. I can't believe
you gave your gun to that sheriff.
COSMO
He let us go, didn't he? Besides, he's a
collector; He'll take good care of it.
BILL
I guess. But, your grandfather carried
it home from World War Two.
COSMO
I don't know what I was going to do with
it in LA. I'd be afraid to keep it in
the house.
BILL
Yeah... "When guns are outlawed, only
outlaws will shoot their kids
accidentally".
COSMO
Exactly. Hey, that's a good line.
31 AT WINDOW 31
Cosmo and Bill survey the menu. A PETULANT YOUTH (ROY) leans
against a pole nearby. A PIMPLED TEEN mans the counter.
PIMPLED TEEN
Welcome to Sonic. May I take your order?
COSMO
Yeah, Hi, Howya doing. What's good here?
PIMPLED TEEN
I'm sorry, sir, I'm not allowed to
express opinions about the food.
COSMO
In that case, I'll have a double chili-
cheese burger, an order of chili fries,
and a large Diet Coke. With chili on
it... just kidding.
PIMPLED TEEN
Is Diet Pepsi okay?
COSMO
Fantastic. Bill?
BILL
Number 4, with a coke.
PIMPLED TEEN
That'll be $7.49, please.
Cosmo pays and they step back to wait.
COSMO
(to ROY)
Hi. How's it goin'?
ROY
Is that your car?
COSMO
Yep. Pretty sweet, huh?
ROY
Yeah, it's alright.
(to a CARLOAD OF CRUISERS)
Hey, Rudy!!
The car cruises by. Rudy makes a "You da man" gesture.
ROY
Idiots. Where y'all from?
COSMO
Well, we're driving from Indianapolis
where he lives to Los Angeles, where I
live.
ROY
(to Bill)
What happened to your foot?
BILL
I shot myself.
ROY
No shit? You're supposed to aim for the
head.
(to a CARLOAD OF CRUISERS)
Yo, Dale! Fix yer muffler!!
The car peels out, its PASSENGERS waving.
ROY
(disgusted, to self)
Yeah, you better hurry, you moron.
BILL
You're pretty popular around here.
ROY
Yeah I know every one of these fuckers.
(waves at another car)
This is the entertainment in this town.
Everybody drives from the Tastee Freeze,
up Lincoln Avenue, checks out what's
happening at the Sonic, then races back
down to the Tastee Freeze like it ain't
gonna be there when they get back. So,
what're you goin' to LA for?
COSMO
Well I live there. And he's going to
meet women.
(off Bills look of annoyance:)
And, you know, vacation.
ROY
(to Bill)
Yeah, good luck with that. This time
tomorrow I'm gonna be out there; in San
Diego. I just joined the Navy yesterday.
(waves at another honking,
passing car. To self:)
See ya 'round, ya lowlifes.
BILL
You don't like it here much, huh?
ROY
Not particularly.
COSMO
Still, a small town like this, it's a
pretty good place to be from, isn't it?
ROY
Yeah. Far from.
(indicating a girl getting out
of a car)
That's my sister. Hey, Sherry!
SHERRY
Hey, Roy!
SHERRY, an attractive girl in her early twenties, gets into a
car parked next to the Cadillac. After it makes a DEAD
BATTERY SOUND, she gets out and approaches Roy.
SHERRY
It's dead again. Can you gimme a jump?
ROY
No, my car ain't here. I sold it to
Horvat this afternoon.
SHERRY
Good for you. Who's your friends?
ROY
I dunno. They're drivin' to California.
COSMO
This is Bill, and I'm Cosmo.
ROY
Cosmo? What kinda name is that?
BILL
Um, we have jumper cables, don't we.
SHERRY
Really? That would be so great. Would
you gimme a jump, Bill?
BILL
Okay.
32 EXT SONIC DRIVE-IN - LATER 32
SPARKS jump as Bill attaches the cables to the Cadillac's
battery. Cosmo is at the wheel and Sherry is in her car.
Bill makes a "rev the motor" gesture to Cosmo. The massive
engine roars.
BILL
(shouting to Sherry)
Try it now!
She does, and her engine is instantly resuscitated.
ROY
Not bad.
Roy and Bill unhook the cables and close the hoods. Cosmo
turns off the Cadillac and gets out. Sherry gets out of her
car smiling, and approaches Bill.
SHERRY
Wow, that was quick. You're really good
at this. Thank you so much.
BILL
Well, the Cadillac is a really big car.
It's got a lot of power... Lot of
voltage...
SHERRY
You really saved me. Bill, right?
BILL
Yep. And you're Sherry.
SHERRY
That's right. Oh, look at that. My
lights were on. What a ditz. Just a
sec.
She goes to switch her lights off.
COSMO
(conspiratorially to Bill)
Dude, she likes you.
BILL
Oh, please.
COSMO
C'mon! Ask her to come have some beers
with us.
BILL
I dunno. I'm really tired.
COSMO
Hey, don't forget why you're on this
trip.
BILL
Shut up. She's coming back.
SHERRY
What're you guys talking about?
BILL
Well...
Cosmo eggs him on.
BILL (cont'd)
We're just passing through... on our way
to California and... I got shot today; or
rather, I shot myself... in the foot.
Anyway we were going to go get some beers
and... you know, just hang out, relax,
really low key. And we were thinking...
I don't know. Do you want to come and
have...
A VAN CONVERSION pulls up and HONKS. Sherry turns as it's
side door slides open revealing half a dozen young women
holding beer bottles and having a big time.
BECKY SUE
Hey Sherry! Who's your friends?
33 EXT CADILLAC CRUISING THROUGH TOWN - NIGHT 33
Cosmo drives with JULEEN and CRYSTAL in the front seat. Bill
is in the back seat with BECKY SUE, SHERRY, and PAULINA. The
radio is booming. Cosmo is smiling, wearing sunglasses.
Bill seems nervously optimistic. The girls hoot and wave at
other cars.
COSMO
So where's this party?
JULEEN
Oh, it ain't far. Just keep goin'. This
is a nice car.
COSMO
You know, it used to belong to Elvis.
JULEEN
What!?
SHERRY
It did not!
COSMO
It surly did! It was actually pink back
when he gave it to his momma.
JULEEN
Wow!
SHERRY
(to Bill)
He's kidding, right.
BILL
I don't know. It all adds up.
Crystal opens the glove compartment and pulls out the BOX OF
DONUTS. She holds one up triumphantly.
CRYSTAL
It's all true!!
They all laugh and hoot. Crystal leans over JULEEN and stuffs
the donut into Cosmo's mouth. Paulina climbs forward and
grabs a donut and chucks it at another car.
PAULINA
Long live the King!!
They all get into this hilarity as the car drives off into
the night.
34 EXT RESERVOIR NIGHT 34
A bunch of large men stand around a barbecue near the water.
They all look up from their beers as the Cadillac approaches.
When it stops, Bill, Cosmo and the girls pile out, gathering
their six-packs, etc.. Bill and Cosmo lag behind as the
girls rush up to the men at the barbecue.
COSMO
(to Bill)
This is gonna be great.
BILL
(Burping)
Maybe I shouldn't have eaten that chili
burger.
COSMO
Nonsense, food of the gods.
(calling out)
Can I get a beer for my young friend
here?
CLEM, one of the burly, sweaty locals, sizes up Bill and
Cosmo. He walks over with three cans of beer and hands them
each one. Without breaking eye contact with them, he opens
his SCARY POCKET KNIFE and pokes a small hole near the bottom
of his can. The crowd takes notice.
CROWD
(Ad lib)
Go Clem! Whooo! Shot-Gun! Shot-Gun!
He raises it to his mouth and pops the tab, sucking out all
the beer in a few seconds to the delight of his compatriots.
He wipes his mouth and stares challengingly at Bill.
BILL
Oh, you know, I just had all this chili
and...
SHERRY
(rushing up)
Go Bill! You can do it!
Cosmo pokes a hole in his beer with a pen and deftly shotguns
it. He laughs and coughs as he finishes. The crowd is
impressed.
COSMO
C'mon dude. Didn't you learn anything in
college?
Bill reluctantly takes Cosmo's pen, pokes his can and raises
it to his mouth. He closes his eyes, pops the tab, and
chokes down the beer. When he finally finishes it, he
crushes the can triumphantly to the whoops and hollers of the
crowd.
COSMO (cont'd)
La Chiam!
SHERRY
Yaaay!
Bill accepts the praise smiling and sways slightly.
CLEM
(approvingly)
You're all right.
Clem slaps Bill on the back, agitating is stomach. His chili
burger begins to rise.
CLEM (cont'd)
What'sa matter? You want another beer?
Bill answers by doubling over and VOMITING on the ground.
Everyone stares for a long moment, then erupts in another
cheer.
CROWD
(Ad lib)
Whooo!! Yaaaay!! All Right!!!
35 EXT MOTEL - NIGHT (ESTABLISHING) 35
The Cadillac sits under the HALF BURNED OUT NEON SIGN bearing
the legend "HEATED POO " Carrying a bucket of ice, Cosmo
walks to an open door and goes in.
36 INT MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT 36
Bill, exhausted, sits on one of the beds fiddling with his
Powerbook. Cosmo enters with the ice, puts some into a
baggie, and some into a pair of hotel tumblers. He crosses
to Bill where he puts the ice bag on his foot and fills the
glasses with Scotch from a paper-bag-sheathed bottle. He
offers one to Bill who recoils and puts it on the table.
BILL
Maybe later.
COSMO
Are you still on the phone?
BILL
I'll just be a minute. I wanna check my e-
mail.
COSMO
Take your time.
Cosmo roots his cell phone out of a bag and dials.
COSMO (cont'd)
(into phone)
Hey honey! -- Oh, yeah. We're having a
great time.
Bill looks up incredulous.
COSMO (cont'd)
Bill says "hi". -- How's the boy? --
Awww. How about the one on the inside? --
Honey, we'll be there in, like, three
days -- Honey, Don't Worry -- I know...
Bill watches Cosmo wander out the door, out of earshot. He
looks back to the computer as it finishes logging on.
COMPUTER (OS)
You've got mail.
He clicks through a list of e-mails
BILL[]
(re: each note)
Bullshit (click) Bullshit (click)
Bullshit (click) Work (reads) Bullshit
(click) PetMinders. (reads)
Bill sips his Scotch and winces as we hear Maja's e-mail.
MAJA (VO)
Dear Bill, All pets are holding up just
fine without you.
37 INT BILL'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY 37
Maja takes apart the kitchen faucet, inspecting the various
seals and washers. The parts are old and worn. She is
distracted by the MEOW of HITLER THE CAT, walking across the
counter.
MAJA
Oooh. Are you supposed to be up here?
MAJA (VO)
Even Hitler took his hairball medicine
without complaint. He's so sweet, have
you considered calling him Charlie
Chaplin or something instead?
She picks up a piece of string and dangles it, motivating
Hitler to bat it with his paw in a kitty Sieg Heil gesture.
MAJA
(laughing)
You know, a lot of people might take that
the wrong way. Now get down, sweetie.
She puts down the string and Hitler hops off the counter,
revealing a glossy SATELLITE CABLE GUIDE. Curious, she picks
up the guide and peruses it, becoming increasingly surprised
and intrigued in the various channels.
MAJA (cont'd)
(reading)
House and Garden Channel... Home
Improvement Network... The Carpentry
Channel... Lifetime Home, the home
improvement channel for women...
(gasp)
It's Martha Stewart Monday.
She looks up at Bill's big screen TV.
MAJA (VO)
(resuming e-mail to Bill)
Your faucet took a little longer than I
expected. Don't worry, I'm happy to
spend the time.
38 INT BILL'S BEDROOM - DUSK 38
Maja enters Bill's bedroom wiping her hands. She sits down
at the computer. On the keyboard, she finds a post-it note
reading "Press to E-mail Bill" and indicating a button. She
presses it, causing various windows to open, ending in a
blank e-mail for her to fill in. Amused, she begins typing.
MAJA (VO)(CONTINUOUS)
I guess that's all. I'll be back
tomorrow to feed the cats; they really do
miss you, I'm sure.
39 INT MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT 39
Bill continues reading.
MAJA (VO)
(continuous)
I hope you're having a fun trip. Maja.
BILL
Yep, fun trip.
COMPUTER (OS)
You've got mail.
Bill hits a button opening a new window on the screen.
BILL
(surprised)
Linda.
He reads.
LINDA (OS)
It's me, Linda again. Is this the right
Bill Hedges? Please let me know even if
it's not. I'd really love to hear from
you....
Bill reaches to put his drink on the table and winces
slightly in pain. Cosmo comes back in hanging up his phone.
COSMO
Man, the cell service out here is
incredibly clear.
40 GRAPHIC - MAP OF UNITED STATES 40
A line moves from Missouri, into Kansas.
41 EXT CADILLAC, MOVING ON LONESOME HIGHWAY - DAY 41
Cosmo drives as Bill fiddles with the radio. We hear the
last strains of a classical piece as the signal fades away.
BILL
Well, there goes NPR.
COSMO
Aw, shoot, I was hoping we could get
"All Things Considered" out here.
They ride in silence for a moment.
BILL
Hey, let me know when you want me to
drive.
COSMO
I'm fine for now. How's your foot?
BILL
Eh, not too bad. I'm trying not to think
about it. How long until we get to Las
Vegas?
COSMO
A couple days. What's your hurry?
BILL
No hurry; I was just thinking about
trying to find Linda. She e-mailed me
again.
COSMO
Ah, the plot thickens. What did she say?
BILL
Nothing, really. But she did seem pretty
keen on reaching me. She's some kind of
cocktail waitress at Treasure Island.
COSMO
Sexy. Did you tell her we're coming?
BILL
Nah, I think it might be better to
surprise her.
COSMO
Leave open your option to chicken out.
BILL
Exactly.
COSMO
I don't know; she clearly wants you bad.
BILL
Yeah, right. A girl who want's you bad
doesn't just run off with no explanation.
COSMO
Maybe she's matured in the last... eight
months?
BILL
More like ten.
COSMO
You said she's settled down in Las Vegas.
BILL
Yeah, there's an oxymoron.
COSMO
So what do you want to go see her for?
BILL
I dunno. Talk to her... Hear her side
of it...
COSMO
Get laid.
BILL
(smiles)
Not to change the subject, but look at
that.
They pass a billboard that says: "Stucky's 39 miles -
Breakfast All Day - Pecan Nut Logs - Busses Welcome".
COSMO
(fondly)
Stucky's.
BILL
Man, I used to love Stucky's when I was a
little kid. I didn't think there were
any left.
COSMO
Apparently there are.
BILL
We would drive to my grandmothers house
in Muncie on weekends; a whole hour in
the car. We would beg my dad to stop at
Stucky's, but he hardly ever would. It
was like forbidden fruit. You'd get
candy, and cheesy little toys...
COSMO
I always went for the "Mad Libs".
BILL
Man, I haven't been to a Stucky's in...
21 years! At least I don't think I have.
COSMO
Well... I guess it counts as adventure.
You hungry?
BILL
I could indulge in a Pecan Nut Log.
(indicates another sign)
Thirty eight miles. Onward to Stucky's!
COSMO
Stucky's!
BILL
STUCKY'S!!
The car roars off down the highway.
CUT TO:
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Script created with Final
Draft by B.C. Software, Inc.