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The following is an excerpt from the
screenplay "Pathos Bill" by Mark W.
Gray. Any unauthorized duplication
or distribution is strictly
prohibited.
©1998 Mark W. Gray
WGA Registered
#686823
EXT CATHEDRAL - DAY
Church bells are ringing in a beautiful carved limestone
steeple.
COSMO (OS)
Beautiful, isn't it.
BRUCE (OS)
Such craftsmanship...
BILL (OS)
What'd it cost you?
Cut back to reveal Bill, Cosmo, and Bruce in tuxedoes looking
at a red 1961 Cadillac convertible parked on the curb in
front of the church.
COSMO
Nothing. My grandmother left it to me.
BILL
I thought your grandmother was... Oh my
God, she didn't just die, like,
yesterday, did she?
COSMO
Jesus, no. She's fine. But she doesn't
drive anymore, she's terrified that it'll
rust, and if she "gifts" it to me while
she's still alive, it's not taxed like
inheritance; or something like that.
BRUCE
You lucky shit. How are you gonna get it
back to LA?
COSMO
I'm gonna get my kicks on route sixty-
six.
BILL
Wow...
COSMO
You should come with me. We'd have an
incredible time.
BILL
We would, wouldn't we.
BRUCE
Oh, man. I wish I could take a trip like
that.
COSMO
You'd better discuss it with your wife
first. But, Bill, this is a great idea!
You should take some time off and come to
California with me.
BILL
I can't just... go to California.
COSMO
Why not!? It'd be fantastic. Three and
a half days of AMERICA - On the Road,
Cool Car, Roadside Attractions, Vegas-
maybe. Then Hollywood. You wanna meet
new people? Well they got loads of them
out there.
BILL
Vegas, huh? You know, Linda's in Vegas
now.
COSMO
Great! We could go see her. She's
probably still carrying a torch for you.
BILL
What? No she isn't.
COSMO
She could be. You could have a romantic
reunion under the neon.
BILL
It would be nice to have some kind of
closure on the whole thing.
COSMO
Of course it would. And if that doesn't
work out, you've still got LA. Like,
half my friends out there are single
women; many of whom I've told about you.
BILL
You have?
COSMO
Yeah! They'd love you out there.
They're always saying all the good single
men are gay.
BRUCE
You know, I hear women say that all the
time.
BILL
Me too, what the hell is that?
COSMO
And the whole place is a mood elevator;
sunny all the time. Plus, it's a glamour
paradise; the population density of
beautiful women is a constant source of
amazement to me.
BILL
I don't know....
COSMO
Listen, take it from me, an old married
guy: When you start to accumulate
responsibilities, your opportunities for
wild, spontaneous adventure come farther
and farther apart. This is it for me.
My wife is pregnant with our second
child. I'm about to be a guy with kids.
Kids! But you, you're a swinging
bachelor. This is the kind of thing you
should be doing all the time. You're
always complaining about how boring it is
around here is. What are you afraid of?
BILL
It is a nice car.
COSMO
(case closed)
C'mon, we better get inside.
They start up the steps of the church
BRUCE
I wanna be a swinging single.
COSMO
Shut up and get married, you.
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©1998 Mark W. Gray
WGA Registered
#686823